someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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