Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
