everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
