just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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