I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
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