I wanna passion pit in your ass
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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