She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
