glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
