Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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