Will you blow on my dice?
look no pants
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
