Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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