Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Found your dick twin last night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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