did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
