lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You made out with two different species that night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
