did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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