i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
