I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
