You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
