dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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