I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize