I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
