i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
