do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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