I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Randomize