New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
