mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just cropdusted the office
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And my parents said I crawled through the house
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
