The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
