ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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