the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
BRING THE BAGELS
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize