if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize