His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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