why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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