Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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