it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
