remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
