I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
