Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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