you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
