Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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