found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
