Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
