i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
