she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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