he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
