Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
