I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
