She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
