You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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