I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize