i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
