im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
my liver is dry heaving
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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