If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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