i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
