In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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