i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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