3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
