i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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