Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
