i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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