She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
