At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
