phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
