if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
