i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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