I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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