Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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