Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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